Product Description

What if anyone in Hell could take a bus trip to Heaven and stay there forever if they wanted to?

Customer Reviews (265)

Brilliant
I bought this book several years ago because it was on sale at my local Christian bookstore, and because I had read and enjoyed so many other C.S.L. books. I never cracked it open until last week. I absolutely loved it. I read it three times in one week and will probably read it again soon. It's that good! I can't even begin to describe the insight and wisdom Mr. Lewis displays in this little book. If you've read anything of his, you know what I'm talking about and you also know that he does not need an endorsement from any of us. This book changed the way I think about heaven, hell, judgement, and God Himself. You will not be disappointed by this book.

Wonderfully imaginative & thought provoking
A short fantasy about various souls being sorted out after death. He specifically says he's not trying to describe what he thinks happens immediately after you die, but instead gives you examples of other people's troubles and how they make choices (even those choices made by people who think it's an option to not make a choice) about their afterlife; don't try to make theological sense out of it. He's instead trying to show you that the choice is yours to make now, before you die. You don't have to, and shouldn't, wait for purgatory (if you happen to believe in purgatory). It's definitely worth reading, especially since the investment in time isn't that great (under 200 pages).

Awesome allegory of life after death
If you aren't familiar with C.S. Lewis, he has an amazing way of turning seemingly complicated topics into understandable truths.In the Great Divorce, the reader gets a short, sweet and spectacular glimpse into what heaven and hell might look like.

Amazing insight
I listened to this book on cd by Lewis quite some time ago.I have read several of his works.The Screwtape Letters, excellent book, was, however, difficult to digest.I found that I had to take that one on in bites to get the full benefits of its insights.This book, however, was something I could just wrap my mind around and indulge my imagination with.Rather than read the book I tried the cd's on a whim and was not disappointed.The narration is so well done.Lewis is such a gifted writer and minister of the Word of God.He presents it in a way that is understandable and engaging in this particular piece.

Anyone could benefit from the lessons taught.It is essentially a battle between good and evil no matter how you spin it.As individuals we face a choice in every moment as to which side we are going to pick.The latter is made out to be so appealing...an addiction that plagues your thoughts and actions, clinging on for dear life.The Great Divorce plots out a course to free yourself of that wolf in sheep's clothing and be free to experience something so much greater.

Give it a try.You will not be disappointed.

Great book
I highly recommend this book.It was in good condition, and the book itself is very well written.It's a compelling visualization of heaven and hell, in a somewhat symbolic manner.C.S. Lewis is a genius. ... Read more

Product Description

Divorce is painful and confusing. Perhaps now more than ever, you want to give your child all the love, support, and guidance he or she needs, but everything seems harder and more complicated. Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way can help. Based on Gary Neuman's phenomenally successful Sandcastles program, which has helped more than fifty thousand children cope with divorce, this warm, empathetic guide shows you:


How to build a co-parenting relationship--even when you think you can't

When you or your child should see a therapist

Age-appropriate scripts for addressing sensitive issues

What to do when a parent moves away

How to stop fighting with your ex-spouse

How to navigate the emotional turmoil of custody and visitation

How to help your child deal with change

How to cope with kids' common fears about separation

How to introduce significant others into the family and help your child cope with a new stepfamily

More than a hundred pieces of artwork from children of divorce will help you appreciate how kids perceive the experience. Dozens of special activities and fun exercises will help you communicate and get closer to your child. This guide shows you that divorce need not be an inevitable blot on children's lives, but an opportunity for them to grow and strengthen the bonds with their parents.Amazon.com Review
Kids tend to blame themselves when parents divorce. TheSandcastles workshop--now mandatory in over a dozen countiesthroughout the United States--is a half-day group session for childrenof divorce between the ages of 6 and 17. This intensive workshop helpskids open up and deal with their feelings through drawings, games,poetry, role playing, and other activities. Helping Your Kids Copewith Divorce details many of the workshop exercises, all designedto increase communication, understanding, and togetherness betweenparents and kids.The book is also packed full of suggestions oneverything from the best way to break the divorce news to a child (itdiffers according to age group) to facing the holidays, visitation,custody arrangements, anger, discipline, co-parenting, singleparenting, overcompensation, sorrow, custody fights, and much more.

Author Gary Neuman never patronizes or preaches, and although he istechnically a child advocate, he proves himself to be an advocate ofevery member of the divorcing family. Neuman takes a hands-on approachand believes that children need not be permanently scarred bydivorce--that with work and time, divorce can actually become apositive force for change. A powerful tool for protecting childrencaught amid parental struggles, Helping Your Kids Cope withDivorce should be required reading in all divorcingfamilies. --Ericka Lutz ... Read more

Customer Reviews (38)

Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way
This is the authoritative text on helping kids and co-parents cope with divorce. Formulated by Gary Newman, it covers every subject essential to making divorce as painless and nourishing to children as humanly possible. The text focuses on the KIDS, as is consistent with every contemporary state and federally mandated Co-Parenting class in the U.S.
We used Gary's book as the core text in my recent co-parenting course and I have made it the touchstone for my relationships with my daughters and with my 'ex'. Despite what I consider recalcitrance on the part of my 'ex', I believe that Gary's book has helped me become a better father and 'ex-husband'. At least, that's what my kids tell me, and that's what matters most to me!
Highly recommended!

Excellent Guide
A good friend recommended this book to me and I have found it to be the most useful out of many that I have reviewed.I am very thankful for this book and I also gave one to my soon to be EX.The advise is right on and it is a wonderful tool to guide you through a difficult time with your children.I would tell anyone to get this book as it has helped me tremendously.Thank you.

Very helpful resource on divorce issues with children
A practical and helpful resource for counselors and therapists working with children of divorce. Other helpful books on this topic include:

Creative Interventions for Children of Divorce

Dinosaurs Divorce

Outstanding Program
The Sandcastles program should be available at all public schools. Children of divorcing parents need to know they can learn to cope with the breakup. Having other children and trained counselors with whom to interact is key. By encouraging children to talk and artistically express themselves, they will be able to accept and deal with what is happening. I have recommended the Sandcastles program all over the United States. Charlotte Hardwick, Author of Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book--A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child (12th Edition)

Helping Kids Cope With Divorce
Great service.This is a great book for parents who want to understand how children view divorce and help them to cope with changes brought about by divorce ... Read more

Product Description
The traumatic childhood experience--when a child's parents divorce--is depicted in the form of dinosaur characters. Chapters address the full range of feelings that a divorce produces. ". . . this will become a real 'security blanket' for young readers in need."--School Library Journal, starred review. New York Times Best Children's Book. Full color. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (56)

Not what I expected...
This book is not what I expected and I immediately got rid of it. In my opinion, it's only appropriate for those in an "ugly" divorce.There are pictures my four year old said were scary and "I don't want to see this anymore, Mom."There are pictures of Daddy/Mommy dinosaurs teeth showing fighting, one of mom with spilled pill bottles & drinking a martini, etc.It addresses parents speaking negatively of each other, hurting themselves or each other, putting the child in the middle, dating and re-marrying and things of that nature.While this may fit certain situations, I was looking for a book to simply explain that mom and dad were married and divorce, you have two homes, etc.My ex and I happen to get along very well, share custody with no issues, and my son was too young to remember us living together or married.It simply didn't fit my circumstances.In my opinion, if you have an even remotely amicable divorce situation, this is not the appropriate book.I also wouldn't recommend it for kids under the age of six, personally.

inappropriate for kids
I thought this book was terrible for children.The picture of the mother with empty booze bottles & pill bottles was offensive.The mention of parents arguements can be "violent" was disturbing, and the image of dad's girlfriend with the big blonde hair & eyeshadow was a bit over the top playing into stereotypes.These were just a few of the problems I found with the book.I thought that perhaps I was being sensitive so I shared the book with my son's daycare director and an elementary level special education teacher.Both agreed that the book was offensive and inappropriate and would not use it for children.

Wish I knew it years ago
This was recommended to me by a family therapist. I bought it for my daughter to help her with her kids but I read it first. I wish I'd had it myself when I was divorcing her father. It would have helped me explain much better thandid

This author hits the nail on the Head!
This book addresses a difficult and scary subject in an approachable manner for young kids.A gentle and straightforward treatment of FAQs.I recommend this to anyone who wants to broach the subject with children up to pre-teen (especially if they are familiar with the Arthur TV series). It is a great way to start a conversation on a subject that worries kids.

Divorce for Kids
I thought the book really broke down the whole divorce process to a child at their level of understanding. It helped me tremendously when talking to my son about what was going on with his mom and me. He really liked the ideas presented in the stories and it helped him look at the divorce in a new light. It helped him understand that this was not his fault, as well as, understanding that how the family will be reconfigured in a sense. It an easy and enjoyable read for young children and can really help parents sit down and explain the divorce process to the kids. I would highly recommend this book for parents going through a divorce with young children. ... Read more

Product Description

Your ex-spouse is bad mouthing you to your children, constantly portraying you in a negative light, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, your relationship with your children could suffer. You could lose their respect, lose their affections-even, in extreme cases, lose all contact with them. The conventional advice is to do nothing, that fighting fire with fire will only result in greater injury to the children. But after years of consulting parents who heeded such advice with no success, Dr. Richard Warshak is convinced that this approach is wrong. It doesn′t work, and parents are left feeling helpless and hopeless. DIVORCE POISON instead offers a blueprint for effective response. In it, you will learn how to distinguish different types of criticism, how and why parents manipulate their children, how to detect these maneuvers, and how these practices damage children. Most importantly, you′ll discover powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with your children.

Customer Reviews (97)

Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing
As a targeted mother of four married to a man who has lost two sets of children to PAS I can only say that I wish I had this book available to me 10 years ago when I kicked my verbally abusive exhusband out for beating me bloody and choking me nearly unconscious. If I had only known of the signs to look for and how to more effectively counter-act this insidious form of court-sanctioned child abuse my family might have not been so tragically destroyed. [...]
Though very late, this book still helped me as my husband's second set of children did finally reach out to him and I've managed to maintain some shred of contact with my younger three daughters. The road back has been slow but we have hope. As long as we have hope we have everything.

The book also reinforced that we did the right thing when we had finally let his oldest children go.It became clear recently that they have grown into toxic human beings as they viciously and without provocation stalked and then attacked me via the internet because I published an article about my husband (their biological father) singing the praises that he had earned. He stuck with me through my nightmarish custody hell, never waivering for a moment. These women and their family sent me nasty emails actually making fun of me for losing custody of my own children, telling me to "drop the woe is me act" and "just accept the fact that I lost custody of my children because I married their biological father", who according to them "was a man who wasn't fit to have children around him". I was mortified and stunned. These women had no clue about their father's life as they had no real contact with him since they were little girls (they now have children of their own). Nor did they know that I'd been embroiled in then 6 year long custody dispute where my children were finally taken from me due to PAS months before I'd even met my husband. What kind of people would do such a thing? The long term effects of PAS made abundantly clear to us both at the juncture. So we both said, "Good-bye" to those women, wished them well and asked them to never contact us again.

This book helped me gain insight into our children's behavior and gave what seemed to be very sound guidance as to what we should do and also exactly what we shouldn't do if we have any chance of regaining a relationship with our younger six children (who are now between the ages of 14 and 18).

I have and will continue to recommend this book and Dr Warshak's DVD "Welcome Back Pluto." I've not yet sent copies to our children but watching it helped me and my husband regain a sense that MAYBE we can "do something"...something effective, as opposed to squandering more millions on attorneys and "experts" that did not help our children's situation one iota.I am also very interested in the program that he mentions in the end of the book which is designed specifically to reunite children with their estranged parents.

If nothing else this book will give parents like me and my husband insight, clarity, hope and a way to effectively deal with our constant grief in a positive manner. I had already employed many of the tactics of my own accord but it felt good to have a reputable and sound source support what I'd already figured out for myself the hard way. It also felt comforting to know that I'd exhausted or at the very least attempted every avenue the book cites for ways to try and recapture custody and/or a "real" relationship with our kids. I have the peace of mind that comes from knowing that I didn't fail because I gave up. I already knew I did everything I could but the reinforcement gave added comfort. I didn't give up and never will. But I am comfortable saying that I am not wasting anymore time and money spinning my wheels in desperation.

I highlighted and made personal notes throughout the book. One day when I feel the time is right I will send the book to whichever one of my daughters I feel it would help the most. I hope that it will be a catalyast to have her lead her and her sisters back home. I feel this is yet another way to try to reach out that I'd not had before I bought and read the book.

I hope that all the parents and children out there who have had this nightmare thrust upon them will someday get "their happy ending" (or should I say happy beginning!?). At the very least I hope they find a way to gain closure as we did with my husband's adult children. It was very sad when we decided to "lay them to rest" but it felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted once we let that first handful of dirt onto their caskets (metaphorically, of course). We wished them long, happy and productive lives that are filled with many blessings and the strength to weather the storm.

Peace

Fabulous Reading......
I have just completed reading your book Divorce Poison and found it very interesting and informative reading. I have been living with my fiancé who is the victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome.His oldest daughter of 26 years old has been alienated from her father (my fiancé) for three years.She has been brainwashed by her mother not to have anything to do with her father, or his family by badmouthing him and the family (there are two younger children, 19 and 23, who have also been brainwashed but do have very limited contact with their father).The mother has admitted to a my fiancés sister that her family is the only family the children have and that she has "written her x-husband and his family off". Almost all the tactics you describe in your book related to children of PAS being brainwashed like "prisoners of war" have been done with my fiance's children. I have no children of my own and found myself becoming very angry with his children who are all over 18 yrs. old who I thought could walk away from this "evil" mother they have.However, after reading your book I have changed my view and found myself to be compassionate, rather than angry, learning that they have little they can do having been brainwashed to such a large degree.In any event, thank you for your book. You have changed my thoughts from anger to compassion- for that alone your book should be read by many.

Life Saver
Excellent book for anyone who is a victim of parental alienation. The advice in the book is priceless as is keeping a relationship with your child. This book will give you the tools to help you survive through hard and desperate times.

The author is a very intelligent and caring person and it is reflected in his work. It you are someone whose child/children are being brainwashed against you purchasing this book is a must!!!

Must Read
This book is not just for parents caught up in a divorce war where one parent is emotionally leveraging the children to turn them against the other.If you are in that situation you MUST read this book.

Dr. Warshak presents many situations that allow you to learn how to handle your kids to minimize emotional damage inflicted by an alienating parent.If you are the recipient of alienation, in the interest of you kids, you need to know this.You need to know the damage that you can cause if you don't understand what's going on.You need to be aware of how your kids are thinking, and how to help them through a potentially devastating situation in which the only person who can help them, is you.

This book is also for parents planning or going through a divorce so they understand the damage that they could cause their children if they play this nasty little game.

It should be read by all who are educators, judges, lawyers, family therapists and anyone else involved in the process of determining the best interest of kids in child custody and divorce suits.

Courts have little or no understanding of this problem.I know this first hand.Anyone working in the court system MUST read this book.There are telltale signs in parental behavior and the behavior of the children outlined in this book.These signs can be a barometer of alienation activities by one parent or the other.If court players understand this, the right help can be ordered and the best interest of the children can be properly addressed.If the court players do not understood this situation, no determination by the court can be assumed to be in their best interest.A blind court is throwing darts at a board, and the kids suffer from the court's incompetence due to their lack of knowledge.

This is an incredible book!It teaches us to ignore all we've been taught before it.
"I hope everyone who finds themselves caught in a divorce in which one of the families, including a grandparent, are willing to brainwash the children involved, will acquire this, read it and apply it. I have purchased this book and am reading it on my iPhone." - a displaced Mother. ... Read more

Product Description
In this ground-breaking book, Michele Weiner-Davis gives straightforward, effective advice on how couples can stay together instead of come apart.

Using case histories to illustrate her marriage-enriching, divorce-preventing techniques, which can be used even if only one partner participates, Weiner-Davis shows readers:

* How to leave the past behind and set attainable goals

* Strategies for identifying problem-solving behavior that works -- and how to make changes last

* "Uncommon-sense" methods for breaking unproductive patterns

Inspirational and accessible, Divorce Busting shows readers in pain that working it out is better than getting out.

... Read more

Customer Reviews (50)

Very good advice, repetitive.
As with most books, the author tends to repeat ideas.The ideas are great.If you want to read this book efficiently, just skim the second half for anything interesting.The main ideas are much the same.

Good for marital problems but many divorces don't involve the.
This book is written from the perspective of a psychologist who uses a good method. The ideas of SBT are practical and effective. It focuses on observable behaviors rather than psycho-babble about imaginary internal processes and personality types. If the marital problems are behavioral in nature, this approach can get results.

The book is well written and well organized.

I especially like Chapter 7 about taking responsibility for your own happiness. In many cases, avoiding divorce is impossible, but this advice at least makes it easier for spouse who is being divorced.

But the fallacy is that most divorces these days are because of affairs, not because of real marraige problems. Unilateral "No Fault" divorce became the law in most states over 30 years ago, and divorce is so easy that people do it for many reasons other than escaping bad marraiges. Adultery is not only legal but politically correct, and anybody who has an affair with somebody who is younger, sexier, or wealthier than their spouse can quickly and easily divorce their spouse to "upgrade" to their new partner. "Irreconcilable differences" is just a legal fiction in most cases. If your spouse is divorcing you because of an affair rather than because of true marraige problems, then using psychology to try to avoid the divorce will just create frustration and waste your time. And don't believe the divorce-industry propaganda that affairs are a by-product of marriage problems that just happen by themselves.

The story of George and Alicia in Chapter Six shows the book's lack of insight into adultery-based divorces. These are two people whom the author says were both married when they met and had an affair before divorcing their respective spouses and marrying each other purely for sex. Then -- Surprise! -- they had trouble trusting each other after they were married for a short time. It should be obvious that two dishonest people who cheated on their former spouses would cheat on each other as well or at least suspect each other of cheating, that divorce is a near certainty for a marraige between two people like this, and they deserve to reap what they sow. But Weinar-Davis instead tries to do some SBT therapy with George to save that pathetic marraige at least for a little while. SBT probably would not have helped the former spouses of George and Alicia.

Because of easy No-Fault divorce in most states, saving your marraige is ultimately just a matter of chance. If your spouse really wants to divorce you to be with somebody else, techniques like SBT probably won't work. But still this book might have some useful ideas.

Focusing On What Works from EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com
(This review was originally posted on my blog: www.EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com)

When it comes to keeping your marriage together and improving your sex life, Michele Weiner-Davis is the guru par-excellence.In her New York Times bestseller, Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, Weiner-Davis takes a no-nonsense brief approach to helping couples on the verge of divorce work through their issues.

Turning problems into solutions, Weiner-Davis forces her readers to work on improving communication around sex, intimacy, and money.She encourages men to roll up their sleeves and help out by doing the dishes and taking out the garbage.She encourages women to pay more attention to the emotional and social needs of their husbands by knowing when to dote, when to nag, and when to back off.

Taking an inside-out approach to helping couples, rather than fixing what's broken, Weiner-Davis focuses on what works in the marriage.She teaches couples that by strengthening the healthy elements of their marriage, the problems will iron themselves out naturally.

Following are several quotations from Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again which I've chosen at random:

I do not get sidetracked by pessimism and hopelessness as I did in days past.Now I know that hopelessness is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation (pg. 13).
Diagnosing one's spouse as the source of the problem, a common antecedent to divorce, doesn't take into account the roles both partners play in the deterioration of the relationship (pg. 13).
Research shows that except in extreme cases of abuse children want their parents together (pg. 13).
For every sex-starved husband, there is a wife with a low sex drive.Every compulsive cleaner is paired with a hopeless slob (pg. 82).
Take a moment to recall specific times you and your spouse routinely reach dead ends.Maybe discussions about money, sex, or careers always end in battle (pg. 106).
How many people imagine utopia when they are asked about goals (pg. 113).

Divorce Busters Review
I got the book for my brother who needed it.I thought I was getting the fast 1 to 2 day delivery but it came 2 weeks past when I needed it.

Divorce Busting
Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy are must reads for anyone going thru serious relationship problems.The answer is not divorce but reconciliation, that is the message Michele Weiner-Davis is spreading.And one person can change a relationship. ... Read more

Product Description

Customer Reviews (14)

very good
as a male psychologist who is getting a divorce, i wanted to get this book in order to (1) better understand patients getting / wanting a divorce, (2) better understand my aspiring ex, and (3) better understand our relationship and how to move on.overall, i think that this is a very good book!it is organized / laid out well and moves the reader along clearly.i take issue with the author about a couple of things - i think that "reconciliation" counseling can be extremely beneficial, especially for helping a couple to learning how to respectfully communicate about what went wrong, how to obtain a cooperative divorce, and how to communicate so that you raise well adjusted kids.so many folks who've been caught up in a bad or unsatisfying marriage have a difficult time mustering the courage to do the right thing.as the title implies, this book is written for women, not generally men, it is written targeting folks 40 +, and it provides strong encouragement for women considering divorce to obtain divorce.my wife and i found that if we worked together instead of having an contested divorce, we could save nearly $30k.it is difficult for us to start again from scratch, i'm in my 3rd year and still "a toddler".many of the suggestions in this book are outstanding for helping folks a bit older to move on successfully and create the kind of life for ourselves that we really would like.while, as a guy, i found passages of this book to contain more anger than i'm used to, i also found this book to contain the language and content necessary to inspire us.while about 50% of all first marriages end in divorce and about 75% of those first-divorces are filed by wives, aspiring ex and ex-wives are more likely to become depressed, paralyzed by grief, and self-sabotaging.i give this book a "B+" and i highly recommend it for any woman struggling with divorce after 40 who might be having some difficulty getting beyond it.it is a very good self-help book.

Excellent
Excellent advice.To the point.Easy to read.Not drawn out.
Not all parts apply to everyone, but you can find yourself in the different chapters.

Not As Relevant for "Younger" 40-something Moms
I bought this book with a lot of excitement - I am 40 and recently divorced and was excited to find a book geared towards me.

First, the good things - the book is thorough.It is well written and easy to read.The author is a good writer and the book is entertaining.It includes chapters on many different aspects of divorce that women need to consider.Over all, I think it is very good.

But, I did not find the book relevant to my own situation for several reasons.

1.This book is geared specifically towards women who have older or grown children. If you have young children, this book is not really as relevant to your situation.Since many women delay childbearing these days, there are many women in their 40s who still have young children [me included]. They won't find the help they need in this book.This book just really emphasized to me how very different the two situations are - a mother of older children who is abandoned vs a mother of very young children who is abandoned.

2.The author seemed to have had a TON of support from endless patient, loving, devoted friends. She lists a whole bunch of different kinds of "friends" that you are supposed to have to help you through all the different aspects of the divorce.If you are like me and found most of your friends jumping ship the moment your husband ran off, [not out of malice necessarily, but just because they were uncomfortable or did not feel a kinship with you any longer], then you may find this advice as depressing as I did. I think there are a lot of women out there like me who do not have much support at all in coping with their divorce.Those women aren't going to find the support they need in this book either.

3.The author went through a really bad divorce and she was still pretty angry at her Ex, or so it seems from what she wrote.It is completely understandable of course. On the one hand, it makes her someone you can definitely relate to.But on the other hand, I thought the book would have had more value and would have been more helpful if she had been a little farther along in her own recovery process and more beyond her own bitterness.I hope, personally, that one day I will be able to think of my Ex husband without extreme anger and that feeling of sickness at what he's done [I'm not there yet, at all].I would have appreciated more mentoring on how to get there.The last chapter in the book is called "forgiving the bastard and moving on", but I did not find it helpful.The author admits in that chapter that she herself hasn't managed to forgive her Ex and the chapter falls flat - you can't get good advice on how to do something from someone who has never done it themselves, unfortunately.

4.There was also a subtle "class division" in this book, I felt. As a mother who is flat broke and truly struggling every day just to keep an actual roof over my children's heads, I did not get the sense that the author had really had to deal with any "real" financial hardship at this level - I think she was very well off and while the divorce certainly left her less well off [it always does, doesn't it?], I don't get the sense that she could really relate to what a lot of single mothers go through as far as real poverty and the fear that comes from not knowing how you will provide for your babies.Again, that is no flaw in the author [I'm glad she hasn't been there], but the book does not cover the sort of advice mothers in a less financially stable situation really need.

So, I think if you are an older woman with older children [or no children] and lots of support, this book will most likely be helpful to you. If you are a younger woman with young children, this is probably not the best book for you [check out "Raising Great Kids On Your Own" and "Moving Forward After Divorce" by Frisbie].

I think, honestly, that this book would have been more appropriately titled "Surviving Divorce After 50" because it really is geared over all more towards that age group and beyond.

And I do want to emphasize - this is NOT a bad book by any means.Over all it is a very good book.It is just more relevant to certain women and less relevant to others.

Looking Back & Going Forward
I got the book on a Friday and finished reading it by that Sunday evening! And now the advice I would give a friend heading for a divorce is to read "He's History, You're Not".And then I would tell her to keep reading it beacause this is a resource that divorced women cen return to again and again for advice, information, and support.

My own divorce took place some time ago.Yet, I found Erica Manfred's "girlfriend chat" approach to be a reminder that the emotional divorce and recovery are ongoing.The nuggets in this book nourished my spirit and fed my soul. Just reading about how Erica and other divorced women reinvented their lives has given me a huge boost of reassurance.And now I am poised to take some big leaps in reinventing my own.

A great read for divorcing women in their thirties too!
Although I'm not yet in my forties, I thoroughly enjoyed and learned a lot in reading Erica's He's History, You're Not.Not only does Erica help women smarten up around the divorce process, I found her voice felt warm and kindred - like that of a big sister.We stand to gain so much by listening to the stories of women from different generations; the overlap is tremendous.I now move forward with new knowledge and more respect - not just for my older divorced `sisters,' but for myself. ... Read more

Product Description
Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new road map to divorce. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions and the way we handle them shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic—divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children’s resilience. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

• Why it is so hard to really make divorce work
• How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating
• Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks
• Why parental love—and limit setting—can be the best "therapy" for kids
• How to talk to children, create workable parenting schedules, and more ... Read more

Customer Reviews (21)

This is a must read!
If you find yourself walking down the challenging road called divorce, this is a must read. It covers the emotional rollercoaster that all people (especially parents) go through while going through the various stages of the process. If you need a place to turn to, and focus on the process, then read this book!

Mixed emotions about this book
This book does an excellent job of reminding you the children are first, giving you tips for dealing with your emotions, and presenting stories about other couples which can demonstrate the message the authors are trying to relay.My problem with the book was when the authors started expressing over and over that the goal is to keep the children in an environment which is as good as it was before, and for them to continue to live the life they would have led if their parents had not divorced.I am getting divorced primarily to prevent that from happening! I do not want my child to continue to live the life he was living, or to think the relationship his dad had with either of us was the way marriage should be.
I skimmed the rest of the book after I realized this message was being so strongly portrayed, and never found a section which dealt with the fact that sometimes a divorce removes a child from a very dysfuntional family (beyond the typical "Mommy and Daddy are fighting") and how to make it ok that we are actually happier now.Yes, I completely understand the divorce has an effect on the child.But it is naive to assume their old life had qualities which we should strive to continue to have.

Very Helpful
This is a very helpful book.I recommend this to anyone who is divorcing and has children.The author's own experience in going through a divorce and sharing his feelings makes the book even more relevant.

Many steps in the right direction.
Emery has done a great job of growing through his own challenges and helping other parents walk a more positive path. His child has cause to be proud and other children will be grateful for the guidance he offers their parents. Read and get what you can from his work now. Pick it back up later and see just how far you have come in the right direction. Well done. Author of Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book--A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child (12th Edition), Charlotte Hardwick

Very Useful in a Very Difficult Time
I have not read too many books on this topic but it was recommended by my lawyer.It is extremely helpful for me to understand the thought processes of my self and my soon-to-be ex.There were a lot of "That was me." moments in the book.It also provides a very comprehensive analysis of the different options in separation and divorce.The one I am most interested in was the chapters on the parenting plans of children.It was very reassuring to learn about the expert opinion and experience. ... Read more

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Customer Reviews (11)

great divorce by Woo
Great book~!!! well researched and well written andvery interesting and eyeopening history to learn about one women's tough and courageous fight. Thouroguhly enjoyed~!!!

Thought provoking, superbly researched, and reads like a thriller
Of how many impeccably researched histories can it be said, "I couldn't put it down!" Illyon Woo has meticulously pieced together mostly original sources into a book that has the sweep and pace of great drama. She does not invent, but has sources for details right down to the weather and the condition of roads. (I know this because I read both her Sources and Acknowlegdments sections, so curious was I about her methods and so reluctant was I to let go of this book!) As for the story told, it is an extraordinary commentary on the roles and rights of women, the struggle of a new nation to create and then bend and amend its laws, the power of marketing (yes, even in the early 19th century), and the peculiar nature of Shaker culture. Woo says in her Epilogue that the sui generis nature of Eunice Chapman's story has made it a footnote to legal history. But Woo rescues the footnote, showing how both the Shakers and Eunice's struggle against them were peculiarly American, and can tell us much about how we - American women and men of all religious stripes - live today. And why. Whatever Woo writes next, I'm there.

Review of The Great Divorce, by Andy Ross
I thoroughly enjoyed The Great Divorce. It is the well written, and clearly well-researched and even handed, story of a very determined and intelligent young woman who had the misfortune to make a poor choice in marriage at a time when women had few rights before marriage, and even fewer after. Her dysfunctional and alcoholic husband eventually became a Shaker, and forcibly took their children to a Shaker community, which compounded her difficulties. The story of her getting the first legislative divorce in New York state, and recovering her children, and the aftermath of it all, is quite amazing, with numerous twists and turns. Much historical background on the Shakers is set forth, which I also found of considerable interest. I would highly recommend this fine book.

Great read!
I don't ordinarily gravitate toward history books, but "The Great Divorce" is a perfect combo of fine literature and chick lit. It's the complete package: love, sex, scandal, divorce, heartache, loss and, ultimately, triumph. Plus, a fantastic, vivid journey through early 19th Century America.

Gripping read; excellent period detail
Woo does a wonderful job combining story telling with history.I read this book in three days, and stayed up later than I should have each night in order to find out what happened next. In addition to the gripping story of a woman's fight to win back her children from her estranged husband and the Shakers, the book skillfully provides a fascinating portrail of life in the 1800s and the options (or lack there of) open to women at this time. ... Read more

Product Description

Michele Weiner Davis goes beyond her marriage-saving bestseller, Divorce Busting, with this empowering and encouraging guide for revitalizing marriage and building stronger, more loving bonds. In a down-to-earth style that is free of psychobabble, Weiner Davis outlines a realistic, solution-oriented seven-step program for managing marital problems, which, when left unchecked, can drain the life out of a relationship. Using revealing anecdotes and in-depth case studies, she illustrates practical ways for marriage partners to

Product Description

This one-of-a-kind workbookstreamlines the divorceprocess

This completely unique guide helps anyone--even someone enduring a not-so-easysplit--create a complete, accessible record ofabsolutely everything needed to confidentlytackle, organize, and prepare for the legal,emotional, and financial aspects of divorce.Family attorney Brette McWhorter Sember'sThe Divorce Planner & Organizer includes:

• Suggestions for selecting an attorney andgetting the most legal help for the dollar
• Tips on how to gather and organizeinformation for easy access duringlegal proceedings
• Advice on required documentation forhomes, cars, investments, bank accounts,debts, insurance, and household expenses
• A tracker to record alimony, child supportpayments, and children's medical, educational,and athletic expenses
• A personal property inventory and wishlist, a budget form, and fill-in contactinformation lists

Customer Reviews (12)

Glad I got it
I am in the planning stages of a separation and eventual divorce and first I thought this wouldn't pertain to me, but I would recommend this book even for anyone who is even considering a separation or divorce. There is a lot of information, check lists and even support receipts for you to copy and file and it gave me insight on the entire process and there were lots of things even after consulting with an attorney that I hadn't thought of.
It does get repetitive sometimes, which is why I gave it only four stars. There are also great resources in the back of the book too.
Highly recommend it!

1st You have to know what you have.
I found Brette McWhorter Sember's "Divorce Organizer Planner" to be a valuable resource. Her advice about divorce is solid and practical and her advice on child custody to be fair-handed and child-centered. Her calm voice for an emotionally charged process is as valuable for men as for women. Since many more men end up with the children and alimony these days, men should not place too much emphasis on the fact that initially Brette is addressing women. Advising you to listen and record your child's reactions to contact and visitation are critical to understanding and monitoring your child's emotions. Good information for both parents. This book will definitely move you along and keep you in the right frame of mind. Charlotte Hardwick, author of Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help Source Book--A How-To System for People Serious About the Welfare of Their Child (12th Edition)

Order From Chaos--This Guide Can Get You Through Divorce
My mom used to like to keep one room in the house really well organized, just in case company stopped by unexpected. Divorce is a time of tremendous change. The financial and emotional burdens are obvious. Moving is stressful. Opening a new checking account is inconvenient. Your ex, however lazy and unreliable they might have been, knew how to get to Aunt Sally's house and where the spare keys were or how the garage door worked.

Sember has taken on the task of making sense of the thousands of tasks associated with starting a new life. The book isn't exhaustive but it is comprehensive. It covers calendaring and banking, bills and communication among other topics.

The Divorce Organizer is logical and works for people who are represented by attorneys and people who are doing it themselves. Perhaps it is especially instructive for anyone who is wants to doing something while the lawyer is guiding them through the divorce process.


At moments in the book, though I hesitated and asked myself if anyone really was this well-organized. "Divorce Planning" may suffer from the unrealistic expectations

Don't be deterred by how together Sember seems to be. Remember, she's not getting divorced. You are. You can pick and choose which parts of the Organizer you need and remember that you deserve to have the sanity that comes from having a small part of your life alphabetically arranged in an easily accessible drawer.

Very Helpful Book
I found that this book was extremely helpful in getting prepared for the divorce process as well as helping you afterwards as well such as doing a budget.It has worksheets to help you with all the different processes that occur in a divorce and after.
Take care, TJ

Important resource
Another well organized, practical guidebook.Should be bedside reading before you say "I Do."Also a good reminder of the importance of record-keeping even if your life is sane. ... Read more

Product Description
The most practical -- and legal -- companion through divorce ever published.

Like most people who are going through a separation or divorce, you're probably wondering "What's next?" at every turn.Turn to Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce for clear answers that can help make your divorce simpler and reduce your expenses. You'll even learn how to successfully divorce with minimal help from an attorney.

With compassion and understanding, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce will explain what you should expect

Product Description

Could the end of your marriage be the first step toward reclaiming your personal power and joyfully living the life of your dreams? If the answer is yes, this book is for you.

Because Ford is a highly effective workshop leader, she has a knack forbreaking down spiritual matters into manageable bites. She is also willingto share the truth of her own painful divorce, allowing readers to see herinitial pain and consuming resentments. Ford divides her book into sevenlaws, beginning with the "The Law of Acceptance," where readers are asked toimagine a benevolent divine order at play rather than taking a blamingstance. In the section titled "The Law of Responsibility," Ford encouragesreaders to gently begin the process of taking responsibility for their owndarkest qualities. This is the thrust of Ford's highly respected shadowwork--illuminating the dark side so we can stand in divine light. Eachsection ends with "Healing Action Steps," where Ford suggests specificexercises or meditations. For example, in the final chapter Ford asksreaders to make a new "divorce vow" that is a lifelong commitment to one'shighest self. --Gail Hudson ... Read more

Customer Reviews (56)

Liked some of her ideas/suggestions
Debbie Ford proposes a new idea to me. Accept light and dark within yourself and make friends with your story. Own your story and don't let it own you otherwise I'd be in trouble. Profit from your story, not let it profit from you. I liked some of her ideas/suggestions, like focusing on the gifts your marriage brought you and doing the work of seeing how you contributed to the failure of the marriage (not just blaming your spouse.)

Highly Recommended
Debbie Ford has accomplished a task that is seemingly impossible to do. She has used her own experiences, and written a book (Spiritual Divorce) that provides the reader a light during a very dark time, gently, logically and with great insight, guiding you from a place of despair to a world of wondrous and unlimited opportunity. I am not a religious person and, given the books title, I almost did not read this book that was presented to me as a gift during a very troubling time in my life. I am so thankful that I did read it. I have often referred to this book as the map that saved me by showing me the way out of a deep and dark place that I, and so many others, had found myself in. What I would say to anyone chancing to read this, is that as devastating as divorce can be to your life, and the many lives around you, it can also be used to set down the first block of a strong foundation to a wonderful and bright future. Let Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life show you how to do this, and use this book as a map to find your way.

Tremendous help
This book gave very good information presented in an easy to understand manner.The exercises were not difficult to perform and were most helpful. Difficulty in relationships in demise or post demise can be better comprehended through Ford's technique of dissection and repositioning of thought processes.With a little willingness it could help change a person's thinking and lead to having less resentment and anger in life. Highly recommended to those who think love has passed them by, injuring them and that only the very lucky can be happy. Outlooks and attitudes are adjustable, Ford can offer some useful tools in this book.

Healing in time of Turmoil
Debbie Ford's book is fabulous. I bought it for a friend but found myself reading it. I found it interesting even for people who are having trouble in their relationship not just those getting divorced.
It has wonderful exercises, and some practical tips to help people expand what they think is the end of the lives, when it could be just the beginning!

This book saved my life...
When my 15 year marriage came to an end, I was a mess. I was bitter, resentful, hurt, angry, sad, confused, scared and lost. At the insistance of my good friend Tessie, I got this book. It is filled with so much insightful information and helps you see clearly at a moment when all you can see is pure darkness.Through this book I was able to heal, forgive and forget.My marriage taught me many things, my ex-husband was my teacher and this book helped me see that it was all in preparation for a better life that lies ahead.

Thank you Debbie for writing this book and sharing the secret to living a better life through our life experiences.I will never be the same again... ... Read more

Product Description
Drugs turn out to be a way of life for Rich, a powerful, sexy Drug Lord hailing from Washington, D.C. His desire for fast money and the extravagant things that it brings puts his family in harms way. Soon, his ego forces him to leave his castle and empire to expand business on the West Coast. His decision to leave his love ones behind at the mercy of his enemies turns out to be catastrophic. One by one, each of Rich's children spiral out of control. Pregnancy, rape, and abduction all hit the family structure one day after another. With Rich putting his focus on money, sex, and insignificant things in life his wife Lisa, throws some new drama into the relationship as well; a side-piece and divorce papers. This creates an even bigger wedge between Rich and Lisa. The hate that Rich and Lisa develop for each other causes the divorce to get down- right dirty. Can their love out way their hate to save their family or is it too late? ... Read more

Customer Reviews (51)

Love it or hate it
The Dirty Divorce is a book that I thought was going to be the typical hood story but what I got was anything but! The Sanchez's is one conflicted family that is beyond repair. Although Rich is in the drug game, I'm glad that the the book focused more on his marriage and other dealings than the streets.

When the story started, my heart went out to Lisa when she was brutally raped. I felt even worse at the way Rich treated her as if being raped was nothing to cry over and that the real tragedy happened when he got shot in the knee while trying to save her. As the story went on, I learned that not only didn't I like Rich, but I really couldn't stomach Lisa. She was a pathetic excuse indeed. Any woman who use her kids as pawns is lower than low to me. Even the twist thrown in about Denie didn't make her actions towards her any better. None of the characters in this book had a redeeming quality about them. The Uncle's reason for turning Carlos and Richie into the men they were was weak, egotistical, bull. I've never read a book where even though I absolutely loathed the characters, I couldn't get enough of them.

Miss KP has written a book that either you're going to love it or hate it and in this case either is fine because it's just that good.The drama is so scandalous and fast paced that you can't help but to be hooked. I can't wait until part 2.

Page Turner!!!
Loved the book! First time reading anything from this author and this book kept me entertained for a while. I would highly recoomend to avid reader. Loved the characters andthe fast paced story line. Great Job!

Good Book!
I liked the book and it was well written. No editing mistakes and the characters were real. I started getting annoyed with Lisa's stupidity, but believe it or not there are Lisa's out there. I cant wait for part 2!

Drama...Drama....
Interesting, page-turning book full of drama!!! If you love drama get this book. There was never a dull moment.

Pros: Good storytelling, writing, unpredictable, characters well-developed!
Cons: Left open-ended questions about the other men that sodomized Lisa. Lisa's character seemed unrealistic at times.

I would recommend the read and can't wait until part 2.

Overall rating: 4.5

The Dirty Divorce
I can not fully stress how badly I hated this book.I tried really hard to like ANY of the characters in it.After three quarters of the way through I just was hoping they would all die. None of them had any admirable traits. I understand there must be some bad guys to any plot to make it good but they were all scum!Then to try to leave the ending as a cliffhanger was the ulimate slap in the face to everyone who purchased it. I never give reviews but feltI must warn others.Whoever wrote those positive reviews must have been the author's family! Really wish I had my money back on this one. M. Douglass,Cleveland, TN ... Read more

Product Description
Finally in paperback, the New York Times bestseller that has fundamentally changed the way children of divorce see themselves as adults -- updated with a new preface by the author.

Divorce is at once a widespread reality and a painful decision, so it is no surprise that this landmark study of its long-term effects should both spark debate and find a large audience.

In this compelling, thought-provoking book, Judith Wallerstein explains that, while children do learn to cope with divorce, it in fact takes its greatest toll in adulthood, when the sons and daughters of divorced parents embark on romantic relationships of their own. Wallerstein sensitively illustrates how children of divorce often feel that their relationships are doomed, seek to avoid conflict, and fear commitment. Failure in their loving relationships often seems to them preordained, even when things are going smoothly. As Wallerstein checks in on the adults she first encountered as youngsters more than twenty-five years ago, she finds that their experiences mesh with those of the millions of other children of divorce, who will find themselves on every page.

With more than 100,000 copies in print, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce spent three weeks on the New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and Denver Post bestseller lists. The book was also featured on two episodes of Oprah as well as on the front cover of Time and the New York Times Book Review.Amazon.com Review
During the last 40 years, our society's views on how families are created and how they operate has undergone a tremendous shift. In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, authors Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee have assembled a variety of stories from people of different ages and life stages. Some are children of divorce, some are from families that stayed unhappily intact, but all of them offer valuable information important to all of us as parents, children, and members of society at large. Separate chapters focus on the different roles children take on in the event of a divorce or unhappy marriage, ranging from positive role model to deeply troubled adolescent. In many cases, the people interviewed continue to define themselves as children of divorce up to 30 years after the occurrence; this is described by one subject as "sort of a permanent identity, like being adopted or something."

Both encouraging and thought-provoking, the final chapter questions how we maintain the freedom made possible by divorce while, at the same time, minimizing the damage. The authors' response to this question begins with pragmatic suggestions about strengthening marriage--not bland "family values" rhetoric but practical how-to ideas combined with national policy initiatives that have been making the rounds for years. With fascinating stories and statistics, Wasserstein, Lewis, and Blakeslee have illuminated the improvements within reach while our society experiences these massive changes in it's most fundamental relationships. --Jill Lightner ... Read more

Customer Reviews (93)

A truly enlightening book
My parents divorced when I was 7, but I remained significantly unaware of how this has shaped me until I recently read this book (I am currently 25 years old). Now that I have learned so much, I can't imagine continuing to go through life without an understanding of my past. I feel that much more empowered to overcome the roadblocks that have been engrained in me.

A Very Powerful Book
This book should be required reading of every couple with children before a divorce decree is granted.All the lies that our society has bought into over the last 40 years about how "children are resilient" and don't get hurt by divorce are shattered by the careful and extensive research that went into this book.

Good insights but misses some root causes
Most of the critical reviews consider this book as being anti-divorce. I have the opposite view: it is too pro-divorce. Though Wallerstein has described serious long-term effects of divorce on children of divorce, still she says that she is not against divorce. The conclusions have a only weak suggestion for couples to try to stay together for the sake of the children if possible; nobody could disagree with that.

Two important "cherished myths" that form foundations of our divorce culture are convincing debunked, but others are not:
A. That "divorces always result from serious, intolerable marital problems"; i.e. "divorce is never just one person's fault"; i.e. "there is nothing wrong with adultery because it is the inevitable result of a bad marraige". These are all part of the same myth. In fact, unilateral no-fault divorce and generous child-support and alimony make it easy and economically sensible for one partner to divorce the other for very minor reasons. A large percentage of divorces involve extramarital affairs; and many of those are about people dumping their spouses for a new partner who is younger, sexier, or wealthier.

B. That "no-fault" divorce even without the agreement of the defendant has been a positive change. Wallerstein makes little mention of the legal reasons for our current high divorce rate. In the chapter The Custody Saga Continues, she notes some of the many problems of our existing family law, but then gives up: "I don't have an alternative solution short of enable the courts and mediators to play the role of moral arbiter." The fact is that even without automatic acceptance of "irreconcilable differences", courts wouldn't have to be "moral arbiters" any more than they are for any other kind of contract violation. They would just need to verify that either the two parties agree about the divorce, or that the divorce plantiff has some reasonable grounds for a divorce which the defendant would have legal recourse to defend.


A few examples show a viewpoint that is in some ways pro-divorce:

One of the stories is about Paula leaving Brad and taking away their son, because she recovered from her drinking problem before he recovered from his. The author praises Paula's "courage" even though it caused their son to have long commutes between parents and a disrupted life. True courage would have been staying with Brad to try to help him as well as helping their son to have a more stable life, not yet another divorce to cause trouble for a new generation.

Another story is about Lisa's hesitation at leaving Jim and feeling that "I couldn't do that to another human being". This is commendable and a sign of maturity, not a "ghost of the past"

In another place, talking about Debbie leaving Billy: ".. not only careful planning but a towering rage that builds over time until it explodes" -- how can the author possibly do this kind of analysis of "Debbie" that she hasn't even met? There could be many other possible explanations. This isn't good science. This is perpetuating another myth that lies at the root of our divorce culture -- that most divorces and breakups are due to very serious issues and great anger.

The books has a bit of anti-father bias. For example, she criticizes fathers for often not supporting their kids in college. Perhaps that might be related to the fact that mothers usually get custody and fathers often must pay huge amounts of alimony and child support for years.

I agree with the criticism that the science isn't very good, but this is common to most divorce literature. Some popular psychology like this is on a fine line between science and novelization. The families studied are all quite wealthy, and the control group isn't very good. But in fairness, applying scientific methods to long-term interpersonal relationships is very difficult. Very long term longitudinal studies like this are difficult since control group subjects might not be motivated to remain available for so many years.

On the other hand, the book has many good points:

1. Most importantly, it convincing debunks the myth that children will be fine from a divorce as long as the parents get along after the divorce. In general divorce is harmful to kids, long term as well as short-term, even if the defendant fully cooperates with the plantiff, though as Wallerstein points out there are exceptions.

2. We learn that in general kids don't notice marital problems if their parents stay together for sake of their kids. The example of Gary's parents is great.

3. We learn that when the kids grow up and are able to understand the true causes of the divorce, their relations with the parent who caused the divorce and forced them into unwanted custody arrangements will be affected.

4. It shows that our family law system really has very little idea of what is good for kids.

5. The explanations of how to talk to your kids about divorce are valuable.

6. Differences between step-parents and real parents are clarified.

7. It has good information about long-distance separations

In conclusion, if you are involved with divorce, read this book, then readBaskerville's "TAKEN INTO CUSTODY" or Parejko's "STOLEN VOWS" to get a more complete view.

What an eye-opener
This book does a great job of following kids and adults 25 years after parents divorced.It sheds light on the truth of the long term affects on children conpared to what we are fed about divorce.The author did a good job of looking at divorced and non-divorced families that were similar in social-economical conditions.

With All Due Respect...
To the reviewers that complained "where do I go from here" and "it gave no advice"...People - we're talking about a book. A book that in the title clearly states "...a Study". It is not a self help book. Not a do-it-yourself manual on how to get through a divorce. It is a report, in book form, from highly respected researchers on their findings on the effects of divorce, spanning 25 years. And thank goodness they did! There is a bizillion self help books that can help you with specific issues related to being an adult child of divorce, and I suggest you search for them. This book is not in that category. Please remember the title of the book you are reading before flippantly tossing out reviews that it did nothing for you in the way of guidance. Finally experiencing peace from any negatives from your childhood, unfortunately, cannot be found in a book. Books can be part of the process, like therapy, but it's only through time and having an open mind and heart that you can come to a place where you can let go of the anger of it all. Ultimately, I feel this book has been a brilliant report on what well over half the adults in this country have been waiting for - corroboration, validation, and cognizance. ... Read more

Product Description
It's never too late to have a good divorce

Based on two decades of groundbreaking research, The Good Divorce presents the surprising finding that in more than fifty percent of divorces couples end their marriages, yet preserve their families. Dr. Ahrons shows couples how they can move beyond the confusing, even terrifying early stages of breakup and learn to deal with the transition from a nuclear to a "binuclear" family--one that spans two households and continues to meet the needs of children.

The Good Divorce makes an important contribution to the ongoing "family values" debate by dispelling the myth that divorce inevitability leaves emotionally troubles children in its wake. It is a powerful tonic for the millions of divorcing and long-divorces parents who are tired of hearing only the damage reports. It will make us change the way we think about divorce and the way we divorce, reconfirming our commitment to children and families. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (19)

A must!
I bought this book during my divorce two years ago and read it cover to cover. It was dead on! I highly recommend it to anyone beginning the heartbreaking process of divorce where children are involved. I kept the book and pulled it out this week to give to a friend who is beginning a divorce. I took time to skim back though the chapters. When I was reading the book for the first time two years ago I thought "I don't think we (my ex and I) will ever get to this point". Rereading the book now, two plus years later, I can happily say we did. We are happy co-parents! And, this book receives a lot of the credit for getting us to the point we are today. My children are happy, my ex is happy, and I am happy.

The Good Divorce
This book was recommended by my marriage counselor. It offers some good ideas and ways to look at divorce by means that other people have tried. It pushes the fact that though divorces are stressful and most usually ugly... they do not have to be that way if both parties work hard and can find a common ground. I guarantee you this has been most stressful for myself after my husband's infidelities. However, if even only for myself I can walk away with some workable solutions... it's better for me and my children.

This book gave us inspiration...
Relational Shifts: A Family Doesn't Have to End Just Because a Marriage Does

Our family is another proof of this book's positive impact on what could have been a very negative story...we wrote our story, raw and vulnerable and filled with things most people wouldn't share with their therapist or best friends...we share our worst in the hopes that it can help others find their best...somehow, starting with this book, THE GOOD DIVORCE, we found out way to a better family.

We were honored to be Keynote Speakers at an event for the Collaborative Law Institute which is hosting Constance Ahrons as their Continuing Education Lecturer.

Blessings on this woman and all the goodness she has helped others live with integrity for a higher goal...FAMILY!

warmest regards,
jules

www.relationalshifts.com

Should only be used in extreeme situations
My parents read this book as they were considering separating.It convinced them that there was no reason to resolve their differences, and that our family would be somehow stronger.It absolutely gives unhappy people the unfounded expectation that if they can just be friendly with each other, negative effects can be completely avoided.

In the end it made my parents separation all the more painful for me and my adult siblings, because it built an expectation that divorce would be easy on everyone.When it wasn't, the only response was to blame us kids, because they were working really hard at their "good" divorce.

Must Have
This is a must have book for anyone considering a divorce, in the process of divorcing, or even already divorced.There is much practical advice as well as encouragement in this book.I highly recommend it! ... Read more

Product Description
A fully revised and updated edition of the essential guide for men and women moving through the turmoil of divorce. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (80)

Didn't arrive/terrible customer service
I ordered this book for a friend. Only later did I realize it never arrived. When I contacted the seller through Amazon, I got no response. Still waiting...

It's packed with a lot of great reminders.
It's easy material to read. Packed with great reminders, some common sense things that we take for granted or just forget about when in the midst of this Crazy Time. I liked it!

OK, provides some insights, but seems stuck in the 1980's
The book provides examples of typical stages in the divorcing process, which can be useful.It oversimplifies causes of the divorce into dominant and submissive clashes, which are less applicable in more modern relationships.Although the intent of the examples is probably to show that the terrible feelings of anger, depression, and so forth are normal, the many examples of the husband or wife killing or maiming the other spouse are quite extreme and (hopefully) far enough from most people's experience that they don't resonate.Also, the example of how an individual got past anger by tearing up a child's birthday present in front of the child and how much better he was for it is disturbing.The depiction of this being "positive" because it allowed to parent to vent anger ignores that this was likely and traumatic event for the child.Although the book is not intended to address children, it seems to have an attitude of "fix yourself and feel good" no matter what the impact is to the children.So, the insights and examples are appreciated, but the self-absorbed attitude is uncomfortable, with little emphasis on trying to make the healing process less harmful to the ex-spouse or the children.

crazy times
The book condition was in as expected condition for a used book, however 18 days for shipping from Florida to California, I could have walked it in less.

Essential (and easy) reading
I found this book very helpful and illuminating, especially the abundant case studies. Everybody going through divorce will find an example which sounds familiar. It also helps understand why relationships fail, even though it may be too late (very often due to a power imbalance which leaves one or both partners feeling resentful, and a period of "deadlock" in which the problems are swept under the carpet and each partner tries to find fulfilment in things other than the marital relationship).

The style is very easy to read and journalistic, not psychological and full of jargon.

I would point out that this is not a book for people still trying to repair their marriage, it is for those already on the divorce path. It pulls no punches - even for those who manage to build a better life, the "crazy time" is inevitable and usually lasts a couple of years at least. Some people don't get over this period - especially those without a strong support network. The basic message is one of hope, but without facile instant solutions.

One gap in the book is that it pays hardly any attention to the effects of divorce on the children and how to alleviate that (but this is possibly because there are excellent books on the market devoted to that, like the one by E. Teyber). The book is focussed on the individual divorcing adults not the family unit as such. ... Read more

Product Description
Addison is a regular kid whose parents are going through a divorce, but he knows that no matter what happens, his parents will always love him. The text in this beautifully illustrated picture book is inspiring, gentle, and uplifting, and teaches kids that having two homes to live in can be just as great as having two strong feet to stand on. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (6)

Review from Books That Heal Kids
I'm all for the power of positive thinking. It's nourishing - especially during complicated family times. Children don't have to be the victims of divorce. Standing On My Own Two Feet teaches simple lessons: that the divorce is not their fault, parents love you unconditionally, and emotional strength can be developed through positive thoughts. Kids perceive divorce completely differently than the adults in their lives. Sometimes on the outside they may look like they are going strong, but often on the inside they are muddling through. Make sure you provide access to bibliotherapy as part of their healing process. As a school counselor, I use this one quite a bit.

Great for ages 3-6
I especially like this book because of its main theme is that divorce is not the child's fault.There is one page that says "sometimes my mom and dad don't get along, but it's not my fault".This is the only reference to parental disagreement, which I appreciated.(Other books I bought spent far to much time devoted to fighting parents).Also recommended: Two Homes by Claire Masurel

Great Book for Toddler Boys
My son is only 3 and he can identify with the main character, Addison, very well. He asks to read about Addison at night before bed and he feels a connection with him because both he and Addison have two homes. It's a great book, wonderful pictures, and a great message overall for children that have divorced parents that are both still apart of their lives.

Very Positive, Helpful Book
Great find!!I purchased this book to help my 4yr old son during our family's divorce.I particularly liked that it is not skewed from either parent's point of view like some other books that I purchased.It focuses on how the child is not to blame for the changes going on and that both parents still love (& will always) love them.

Standing on my own Two Feet: A Child's Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce
I sent this book to my sister's granddaughter whose Mom is going through a rough divorce.My sister read it to her and raved to me about the book.She felt it was an excellent read for her granddaughter. ... Read more

Product Description
The inside scoop on divorce, from the judge who's seen it all!

"Whatever you do, try to keep your case out of divorce court." These key words set the stage for A Judge's Guide to Divorce, which exposes a system in which everyone loses -- especially the kids.

Fortunately, there's hope: A Judge's Guide to Divorce shows you how to reach your own agreements outside the courtroom, in the most civil manner possible. But if court is unavoidable, this book will help you at every step. Find out about:

Product Description
Internationally renowned divorce therapist Bruce Fisher and his 700,000-copy bestselling guide, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, have made the long and difficult process of divorce recovery a lot easier. FisherÆs divorce process rebuilding blocks offer a proven, supportive nineteen-step process for putting oneÆs life back together after divorce. Built on more than two decades of research and practice, Rebuilding reflects feedback from, and the experiences of hundreds of thousands of divorced men and women who have read and used Rebuilding. Clearly the most widely used approach to divorce recovery, FisherÆs rebuilding model has made the divorce process less traumatic, even healthier, for his readers. The third edition, revised and updated with the assistance of psychologist and marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Alberti, continues BruceÆs tradition of straight-to-the-heart response to the needs of those who are divorcing or divorced. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (100)

I couldn't stop reading the book's introduction section!
I usually glance through the introductions at the front of books.However, this was the first one I started reading and found myself reading every page of this book's introduction.I actually could not put it down.Yes, it was that good.I have not yet finished the book; but I will.I really like the way is is written and find it to be an easy read thus far.

ending relationship book review
So far so good.The book walks you through the steps of rebuilding yourself after ending a relationship (divorce).It has good questions for one to think about and it has good answers for questions that one may have.

Without doubt the most life changing book I have ever read
Without doubt the most life changing book I have ever read! If you only read one book on how to recover from separation then this is THE one.

Other really good ones for me were:

Freeing the Angry Mind

The Happiness Trap

Mom's House, Dad's House

Absolutely the best book on divorce and break ups,and I have read them ALL
Me and my common law wife broke up after 10 years of marriage and I was devasted.I went to Amazon and ordered every book on break ups out there,and I mean everyone,Sometimes I felt like the UPS man was giving me dirty looks : ).Some were good,some not so good,some had the same information just told differently.and most I honestly couldnt relate to.I was miserable and the books didnt help,sometimes just making me more miserable.Then i saw someone mention this book,and said "why not" Wow,it was best move of my life.Not only could I relate to this book,I felt like the author was specifically talking about me.This book covers everything that you will ever experience after a break up,divorce etc.Guilt,Grief,loneliness,you name it.The examples the author gives are dead on.I could not put the book down.Occasionally it over does the "Building block" examples "but this is minor.If you really are looking for a way to reduce the pain after a break up.you have 2 choices 1)You can spend a ton of money on all the other break up books,or 2)you can get this one. I am so glad i found this book,my only regret is that I wasted weeks reading those other nonsense books(you know the ones that say be strong,have positive energy and other nonsense that makes it seem like your a robot and can just turn off your emotions through exercises.THIS IS THE BOOK.BUY IT.YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID.

What the?
Bought this for a friend.I used it myself and found it to be a very useful tool for getting back on track after my divorce. ... Read more

Product Description
In a question-and-answer dialogue format, the authors tackle the concerns hidden behind what kids say and provide suggestions for dealing with those problems, whether they be feelings of blame, desertion, or a child's hopes for reconciliation.15,000 first printing. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (6)

Great for ideas on opening up conversation
I have an 8 year old daughter and 5 year old son, and this book has helped me with both age groups on ways to talk about the loss we all feel from the divorce.I imagine it will continue to help me with the next age groups as well.

Exceptional
I am a clinical psychologist, and have recommended this book over and over again. Its the one guide I have seen that covers how to answer questions in developmentally appropriate ways for all ages of children. The author understands how kids of different ages think and what they are likely to be feeling most intensely. What a wonderful guide, and well written!

Fantastic!
This book is great.I didn't realize what exactly was going on in my situation, so I didn't start reading these books until my husband was out of the house, living with his girlfriend.It would be a great book to read prior to anyone moving out, but also good for my situation.Very helpful.

Counselor , parents, grandparents
Kids are the ones that hurt the most in a divorce.They don't have the coping skills to deal with the trauma some of these cherubs experience.They can't comprehend the various facets of divorce.Therefore, this book will help parents and grandparents explain about divorce and resolve those difficult feelings or questions the children may have.

Great Resource for Tough Times
I spotted this book in the library and picked it up. As I began to read, I felt as if the authors knew my own 8-year-old daughter.I was very impressed.So many of the topics covered hit very close to home. It was very reassuring to read. ... Read more